Chapter 2 : Lost Him Forever

Today I’ll lose him forever……

My love for him has never been a mere amateur infatuation. It rather has always been the truest part of me. Sounds too cheesy? Well, you will understand when you get to know my story.

It all started a long time back in the year 2004 with me joining in a new school in New Delhi. My father was a lieutenant in the Indian Army and my mother, an extremely educated typical Indian house wife. I was born in the Pink City, Jaipur. However, we had to relocate from Jaipur to Ambala only after 7 months of my birth because of Dad’s transfer. By the age of 9, I had resided in over 5 states of India. I still remember how furious I got whenever a transfer order was handed over to Dad at his office. Because it meant that I had to leave behind my old friends and the places where I loved to play, I had to join a new school and go through all the trouble of adjusting myself again while trying to make new friends. It all continued till the March 2004 when my Dad received orders to join in the battalion at Ladakh. And that was exactly when my parents realized how continually relocating from one city to another every couple of years affected my academics. So, it was decided that I would join a new school in New Delhi and stay with Mom. Only this time we would not relocate with dad every time he would receive a transfer order.

We had some trouble shifting all our goods from Odisha to New Delhi within the expected time which delayed my first day at the new school by two days after the new session began. I finally joined the new school on a Wednesday. The weather was warm and comfortable and I could remember it all as if it all happened only a few days ago. I had mixed feelings of excitement and nervousness. Excitement because this was supposed to be the school where I would settle down and nervousness because I had not resided in a metropolitan city before, let alone going to school in such a place. I was afraid of being left out by the expectedly cooler students of my new school. Nevertheless, I could not have had this fear of being left out ruin my first day at this awesome new school that I’ve heard of so much. So, I decided to rather face valiantly, whatever was coming for me.

The first period began with Mrs. Dua (our class teacher for the year) entering the class and all students rising up to greet her in ever so familiar melodious greeting tone. She greeted us back in the grimmest voice I’ve ever heard and begun calling out names of the students. She then introduced me to the rest of the class. My nervousness was calmed by Kanika Taneja who asked me if I wanted to sit by her side. Surprisingly, unlike my fear I was catching the eyes of many students in the class who would approach me later for friendship. Two periods past by as we came to know that our History teacher was absent that day and we were granted a free period. Every student in the class seemed happy about it and went out to the school playground to enjoy the warm day. I still feeling shy, decided to stay back and was accompanied by Kanika. There was, however, another boy who did not go out because of his aching stomach. On asking about him, Kanika said his name was Ayush Thukral and he would never let go any chance of going out of the class to have some fun on the playground. She also pointed to him acting weird that day. Throughout that period, I often caught Ayush Thukral gazing me only to put his head down when I looked back. This should have made me feel uncomfortable but somehow there was something about this boy that I liked. Maybe it was his fair looks and the complementing blue eyes. I didn’t know it then but that was something much more severe than mere looks. It was love at first sight.

Many days passed and I managed to make a few friends. But none of them intrigued me as much as Ayush Thukral. On many occasions, I even tried to start a conversation with him but he would rather ignore me by getting away every time I approached him. I realized how popular he was amongst the students of our class. He was an enthusiastic extrovert (though only an average student) with many friends while I was a timid introvert and also an average student. I decided to raise my level of academics and athleticism so that I could get Ayush to talk to me. I worked hard to quickly begin performing great in both my studies and a few athletic events. But even then would Ayush not speak to me.

After about one and a half year of trying to befriend him and failing, Ayush Thukral left the school. I heard that his father had received transfer orders, hence they had to relocate. The day I learned about the reason behind Ayush leaving the school was the day I felt how life had mocked me with a sarcasm on my face. None of his friends had any contact with Ayush. All they knew was that he went on to live in Arunachal Pradesh.

After longing for many more years to get in touch with Ayush, my hopes began to shatter. I and Ayush Thukral never exchanged a word and yet he was my one true love. I guess he never felt anything for me, else he would not have ignored me in the first place. If only I could tell him of my feelings just once. I would not even have felt bad if he didn’t feel the same way. Well I guess, that was what life had in store for me.

Today, even the last of my hopes will be put to rest. Today, a man who has been chosen to be my groom will visit us with his parents. I did not even bother to have a look at his picture that dad gave me a few days back. And though, I would never ever be able to love anyone else in this life, I still have got my share of responsibilities towards the family. And getting married to the man chosen by my parents seems one of them. Perhaps it’s time for my life to move past Ayush.